Dani Oliver

Pray to the Moon when she is round.
Luck with you shall then abound.
What you seek for shall be found.
In sea or sky or solid ground.

(Pagan Prayer)

This year has started off with its own brand of challenges, much like any year, for anyone. But today, the light at the end of the tunnel is glowing a little brighter. It could just be the image of the glorious moon from last night still burned into my inner eye, but there it is. I am feeling rejuvenated. Let me tell you a little how I came to this epiphanous moment.

December
In early December, I had a mini stroke, also known as a TIA. My doctor ordered a CT Scan, which to date has still not been scheduled. I am still waiting for a call. Some of the symptoms have lingered and have caused me some concern, but I am managing.

January
In January, I finally made the decision to apply for Disability, both through the Canada Pension Plan (CPP) as well as provincially. I was accepted quite quickly on my first application for the provincial Disability plan, I am still waiting to hear back from CPP. CPP will offer me the ability to seek help to continue to live a productive life. I still want to be able to work, to contribute, to feel productive. It's in my nature. Feeling optimistic, on January 23rd I decided to start work on a website. It was an exercise in self-motivation and self-worth, forcing me to focus on what I believe I still can do. I felt ecstatic.

February
Then on February 4th, Facebook changed its policies and booted a lot of its members, including me. The reason was never quite made clear to me, but it was suggested that it might have been due to two factors: 1. My last name of OzDragon, which has special meaning to me; 2. The fact that I was too active in interacting with others on Facebook. On the day my account was suspended, I had written a whackload of Notes trying to catch up with some friends who had sent me those reciprocal types of quizzes.

Within a day of being suspended, a group of whom I had at the time thought were a closely-knit bunch of friends decided that I had done something terribly wrong and had been booted from Facebook because of it. One so-called friend led me to believe that the "leader" of this group had something to do with my account ban, and pointed out examples of the growing hostility she had been showing towards me. What was I to think? This same "leader" had made an accusation against me in my forced absence calling me a "hacker", without any reason or substantiation. After pressure from the others, she was forced to share the bogus information on which she founded her misguided accusation. It was laughable. However, she managed to prey on people's lack of knowledge of the internet and insecurities. Some chose to remain ignorant. One displayed some undeserved outright hostility towards me. One became one of my most dearest friends. All in all, the betrayal sent me reeling, and due to the negligence of the malicious rumour (intended or not), I had to take down my website. It was a painful time for me. In all of my years online (since early '90s), I have never personally experienced such hurt as I did in February.

After a barrage of complaints (last count was in the thousands), Facebook reverted back to their previous policies and my account was reinstated, with an apology from them for any inconvenience. "Inconvenience" LOL. I guess they did me a favour, in a round-about way. However, I was severely set back in a lot of my goals on Facebook, the least of which was the fact that all of my pets ran away, my gardens died and I lost a competitive edge in a contest that was soon to close. Life goes on.

March
In March, I became very ill. I was treated for pneumonia which, as Oz would say, "put the boots to me". On a good note, I lost a good amount of weight (not the best way to do it, I know) which I have managed to keep off. My eyesight and weakness in my hands and one leg (among other things) were still providing challenges, and I started to feel a little depressed. By nature I am a very positive person, but it was all getting to me. It's been years since I have seen my mum (Christmas, 2004) and I was starting to feel more homesick than I had done since moving out here in 2005. I kept telling myself all of this would pass and to just hang in there. I am truly grateful to Ozzy, Sheryl, Dean, Tim, my Mum, and all of my true friends (including those of you on Facebook) for your support, advice, inspiration and love.

April
So here we are in April. I've received confirmation that CPP has received my application and are just waiting for one more piece of paperwork (which ironically is from another area of the government) before they make their final decision. It's looking good. I was told earlier this week that due to my provincial PWD (Persons With Disability) designation that I will be able to earn an income on top of the small amount of assistance I am receiving. If and when CPP accepts my application, I can then apply for assistance to help me try and do some sort of work again. I had worked non-stop since I was 14 (12 if you count the summers I worked to pay for my tuition) up until 2004. I had become "disabled" in 1999, but due to the fact I was running my own business I was able, for the most part, to keep it going. But my ability to manage paperwork and the human resource factor became too overwhelming for me. In the end I had to let everyone go, and maintained only a few clients to support myself. My health took a turn for the worse after my first mini stroke (TIA) in 2004.

In 2005 I shut down all business operations and moved to BC. Ozzy has been taking care of me ever since. There are times when I am unable to get out of bed, or experience great difficulty talking, among other things. Writing has become my main mode of communication. Unfortunately, many of the people around me have trouble reading/writing and I am left mute. I continue to write. I do it more for therapeutic reasons than anything. This is one such attempt.

Ozzy cleaned off our balcony (also known as our "garden") the other night. We sat out on it the other day in the sunlight. I hadn't realized just how white I was until then. It's very rare that I see the sunlight. I felt rejuvenated. Last night we sat out under the full moon. It was spectacular. The moonlight was reflected off of the clouds and made for a very heavenly display of brilliant colours. I saw one star peaking through the clouds. I made a wish. Even though Ozzy informed me minutes later that it was actually a satellite , I am still holding out faith that my wish will come true. I am starting with a clean slate and with the support of people I know I can rely on. I am feeling truly blessed today. It's all up from here.