Dani Oliver

August 4, 2014

Losing my dad was hard enough; but apart from Ozzy -- who never did get to meet him -- there really wasn't anyone to turn to for support and comfort. Instead of words of kindness and compassion, I had to deal with hostility and resentment. I longed to be around family who still loved my dad, but due to an unfortunate oversight, I was not invited to his service.

Throughout most of my life I have been ostracized and condemned for continuing to have a relationship with dad after the family split up. But I never gave up on him. The reward for my loyalty was to deal with a man who was given to occasional outbursts of rage brought on by a combination of mental illness, alcoholism and drug abuse.

But I didn't give up. I spoke with doctors, went to support groups and met with others who knew what it was like to love someone with these kind of challenges. I researched his illnesses before the internet and Google. No matter how deep I delved, there was no cure and no avoiding these fits of rage. However, if nothing else, I became a better and stronger person. I learned the futility in judging others -- you truly never know what they've been through or what they are going through -- as well as a level of compassion and understanding that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

On the day of my dad's death -- a few days after I had him removed from life support -- I was highly conflicted: wanting to lash out against the harsh judgements that on this day were more inappropriate than ever, and at the same time needing to find peace for my sake as well as for that of my dad's memory. Below is the prayer I wrote on the day he died. I believe it was the power of prayer and my own resolve that helped me get through that difficult time. And honestly, if it wasn't for Ozzy, his family, and my FB family, my bereavement would have been much more unbearable.

This is the first year since his death that I haven't broken down in a flood of tears (of course, the day is still young). I have found great peace and comfort in remembering the man who was my hero, who took the time to talk to me and help me view the world in the spirit of adventure, open-mindedness and wonder. He taught me so many important lessons that have stayed with me and I have imparted to others. I'm a lot stronger today than I was 7 years ago. I think my dad would be proud of me.

Daddy, wherever you are, I miss you.
Love forever,
Your Little PieFace,
Dani.